Zwei Hefe Weizen Bitte

Woohoo, it feels good to be back!!  I really appreciate all the nice comments, thank you :  )  In response to the comments, it caught my attention right away how well my siblings and I understand each other, no matter how far apart we are.  My sister Sadie reflected on how she felt after spending weeks alone traveling abroad: “I had a great time being by myself and seeing so many sights but at points I got this strange disconnected feeling, like I was in freefall or could come unhinged or just strange.”  I can’t explain it better.  That is exactly how it feels, and I had those very words in my mind to write down, but to be honest I guess I couldn’t bring myself to write an emotion so private on a blog.  But that’s how it all started to feel after a while — you start to feel like all those cobblestone streets could swallow you right up; you wonder if you even exist anymore.  It is such an odd, unsettling feeling, and I think even more disconcerting is the fact that you don’t notice it start to sneak up on you.

The other comment that really got me was what my brother Gabe said about writing. (as well as getting chills coming back to this site – me too)  I think writing can do all sorts of things, paint pictures, transport readers, provoke emotions.  But what I love most about it and what’s driven me to keeping a journal since I was a kid is exactly what Gabe said – it gives you control and ownership over your thoughts and feelings.  So many times the opposite happens – you can allow your ideas and emotions control you, they take hold of you and take away any peace of mind or clarity that you had before.  Or,we feel ashamed or embarrassed about our feelings, and we try to ignore them, not wanting to ‘own’ them, unable to just embrace them.  Honestly I don’t know how anyone goes without keeping a journal or writing once in a while – it is the best way to get your thoughts out, read them, re-read them, until you can accept them, let them go, and get on with your life.  It’s good to suffer sometimes, to feel passionately, to really live your emotions deeply, yes, but at a certain point, with certain emotions, I also think it is good to see them from an objective viewpoint and detach yourself from them.  And to me, writing has always been the best way to do that.

Actually when I think about it, I guess writing is a lot like running – you don’t always know where you’re going to end up when you start out, and you always end feeling better than when you started.  Maybe that is why I like them both so much?  :  )

I really wanted to write about the craziness of this past weekend, but I didn’t count on writing so much about writing!  Suffice to say that on Friday we went bouldering up in the mountains with some friends (my second time since attempting it with Gabe at Joshua Tree National Park during my run), later on, exhausted, we realized we should check for ticks before going to bed; Alex had two, I had one, and when Alex pulled it out, the head stuck in. And so we stayed up til 3 am picking apart my skin, trying to pull the head out.  Saturday I had an amazing run up to these wheat fields on top of a mountain, looking down over all of Saalfeld(the fields truly make you feel like you are running in an ocean up in the sky) Saturday night I made my debut as an American bartender in Germany – worked a Beach Party at a local bar – what an experience!  I had thought I would just be barbacking, but the party turned out to be so busy and crazy that I became the 3rd bartender at the Cocktail bar, where they don’t use a computer (and price drinks at $1.90 and $2.70 – no easy math there), and tip maybe ten cents a drink, which is just blasphemy to any American.  If there are any fellow bartenders reading this, imagine being behind a totally new bar, working the busiest party of the year, not really knowing German, calculating in your head and translating the cost of 7 Mojitos priced at $4.70 each, and serving drinks until 7 am.  And then coming away with a grand total of 25 Euro in tips.  Whew!  That gave me renewed appreciation for bartending in America!   It was a good challenge though, and quite the mental and physical workout – so much so that Alex and I decided to be as lazy as possible on Sunday, sleeping until  3:30 in the afternoon and then stretching a lazy breakfast into the evening while we watched “Once Upon a Time in America”. A great weekend :  )

Running and Writing in Germany

Wow, it’s been a while. Far too long, in my opinion. I’ve spent the last two months in Germany with very infrequent internet access, and after a few weeks, I decided to embrace it and completely abandon technology. No visiting internet cafes to keep up with Facebook, check my email, and maintain that subtle connection to the world that we all gain by spending an hour on the web. I bought a phone card and kept in touch with my family the old-fashioned way.

I traveled all over Germany, visiting 30 cities in just six weeks, and when my grand Deutsch tour ended last week, I calculated that I had slept in approximately 130 different places in the last six months. What does that do to a person? I feel good, I am happy and healthy, I’ve seen many things, and met many people, received a lot of help, been able to give it as well, and have grown up a bit. But still, I am curious to see what effects such a transient lifestyle might have on me once I am standing still for a while.

In the midst of all this moving around, however, I’ve been able to maintain my favorite routine, which may be why I’m still feeling well-balanced and sane. That routine, of course, is running. And what runs I’ve had! Along the river right through the heart of Berlin, up into the hills in Wuerzburg, Germany’s wine country, along the cliffs overlooking the Rhine, and my favorite runs – following the main road out of a village, finding a logging road twisting up out of sight into the mountains, and climbing up, up, up, until my legs can’t go anymore. If there is one thing that I really, really appreciate about Germany, it is the never-ending network of trails and bikeways. No matter where I’ve been, however small or big the town, from tiny villages to Berlin, there has always been a trail to be found, linking nearby towns, mountains paths, parks, and rivers. And you can never go too far without signs informing you of what lay ahead and behind you, in every direction, and how far away it is. Example: on one of my runs in Thuringia, the “Green Heart” of Germany, I was about two miles into a trail run through the forest in the mountains outside a small village. I hadn’t seen a person or a house for 30 minutes, I felt blissfully alone and free to run as if the trail were all mine. I came up over a curve, and was greeted by 3 signs letting me know that 35 km down a trail branching eastward I would find another town, 11 km straight ahead I would reach a 2nd small village, and if I dropped slightly west, I would reach a Schloss, a castle, in just 5 km. I stood and laughed for a minute – it was such a strange sight to me, to see signs of order and civilization way out in the middle of nowhere. I remembered that even when I crossed the desert in Southeastern California on the one main highway, the only sign had stated simply “No Services Next 100 Miles”.

When I got home, my German friend laughed at my fascination with these trail signs – he explained that that is perfectly normal here, that those signs are everywhere. He tells me that they like to call Germany the sign forest. I like that.

So now, here I am, back in one town in Thuringia for the next two and half weeks, and with regular internet access. A lot has happened in two months, and while I’ve had the time of my life exploring via running, and have embraced the disconnect from technology, I’ve been feeling that something is missing. I’ve realized, after countless sightseeing expeditions in all the great cities of Germany, that those experiences start to have very little value, very little fulfillment, when they are not shared with anyone. I always thought I was a bit of a loner, but after seeing so many buildings, walking along so many cute cafe-lined streets, and going back to a hotel and not really being able to share the experience with anyone, you really start to wonder if there is any point to it, any reason to go out and see those churches and museums. It provides physical and intellectual stimulation, yes, but then who to discuss it with?

And so I started to think about this experience compared with my run across the country, because I was quite alone in that endeavor as well. But what I realized was that during the run, I was in fact connected in so many ways to humanity, in a way I never had been before. I visited Boys & Girls Clubs, I dined with city officials, and slept at strangers’ houses. And every single night, I got to share the day’s experiences in my most favorite way – I got to write about them. And every morning, I got to read comments from friends and family, and I got to check my blog stats, and realize that people were actually reading, and I was actually getting to share every step of the run with hundreds of people.

And so, after all this running around Germany, without the internet, with a private journal but without a blog, I’ve realized how much I’ve missed writing, and sharing my experiences through words. Just now, I was sitting here, drinking a coffee and reading a book, and Alex started to play the song “Wildflowers” by Tom Petty. A song which my Dad played for me last summer and which accompanied me throughout so many miles across the country. And without thinking about it, I was opening up my laptop, typing in www.wordpress.com, and starting this blog entry. I don’t know how often I will be wired in online, but writing is therapy for me, and when it enables me to share life’s experiences with my family, friends, and fellow runners and adventurers, it is even better.

And so, while I am still in Germany for 3 weeks, and then Italy for two, even being able to write here again, I feel as if I am coming home in a way.

Zoe Goes Running Day in Portland, Maine!

I know I am way overdue for a post about the ultramarathon etc., but I just wanted to get a quick post up here tonight, as today I had the honor of celebrating my return back to Portland with Mayor Mavadones, the Boys & Girls Clubs of Southern Maine, my alma mater Portland High, and my family.

My family and I met the Mayor at Longfellow Square where we then made our way down Congress St., flanked by the Police and being cheered on by everyone out and about downtown. We were set to finish at the Boys & Girls Clubhouse downtown, and as we turned the corner on the last block, I was taken aback as I realized all of Portland High had come outside to give me a grand welcome back. Now that felt like a finish line!!!!

After running over and hugging my former principal, Mr. Johnson, and saying hi to all my past teachers, we went across the street where I had the incredible honor of receiving a Key to the City from Mayor Mavadones. To top it off, he officially declared June 3rd as “Zoe Goes Running” day in Portland! As I said a few words of thanks, I could hardly get the words out – the rush of emotions surprised me; in a way today felt like the ‘finish line’ I had envisioned for 4 months out on the road; more than Charleston had. To say the least it certainly brought everything full circle – the emotions – excitement, nerves, adrenaline, apprehension, the vision – raise funds and awareness for one of the best organizations in the world, and the multitude of support systems which carried me through every step of the way – my parents, family, friends, the Boys & Girls Clubs of Southern Maine, the media, former schoolmates, teachers, and fellow PHS Bulldogs, and the entire community of Portland, Maine – a community whose outstanding philanthropy I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing first-hand.

I do promise I will write more on the ultra and Europe plans this week, but for now my head and heart is totally and beautifully consumed by all the love and enthusiasm I received today. To everyone who has been, and continues to be a part of this whole project, thank you, thank you, thank you. Please know how much I appreciate it.

Here are some links from the news stories covering today’s events:
Channel 8: http://www.wmtw.com/news/28123402/detail.html
Channel 6: http://www.wcsh6.com/news/article/161376/2/Portland-High-grad-gets-key-to-the-city
Channel 13: http://www.wgme.com/newsroom/top_stories/videos/iframe_vid_7823.shtml

and an article in the Huffington Post that just came out today:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/Mickey-goodman/run-zoe-run_b_870679.html

Again, thank you.

First ultramarathon and Europe!!!!

Drumroll please….

This morning, for the first time since I’ve been home, I woke up to blue skies and sunshine poking through my skylight overhead. And that was 9 hours ago, and it still hasn’t clouded back over and fogged up yet, so I’m counting this as a beeyooteefull day to be a Mainer!!

After waking with a smile, I headed out for a quick 9 miler around the neighborhood. I hit the trails again yesterday and had a heck of a time – slipping and sliding down muddy slopes and slogging through newly created streams. It was a grand ole time. Although I don’t think I was able to truly revel in it because I had a tiny apprehension about twisting an ankle or some other lovely mud-induced injury, since I have a race this weekend, I didn’t think it would be too cool to get hurt now. I am a bit nervous and excited and just sort of interested to see how the race goes this weekend. It is my first ultra, a 50 miler, 12 miles longer than the longest run I’ve ever done. Since I’ve been home, I’ve fallen back in love with the feeling of running fast (I forgot how good that feels!) so I have mostly been going out and running as fast as I can for as long as I can. Translation – no runs over 17 miles, and pace around 7:45 to 8:15. Not exactly proper training for an ultra. But we’ll see. Hoping my legs have some muscle / endurance memory thing going on. It will certainly be interesting.

Any advice from fellow runners is welcome – for instance, what do I put in my drop bag? Change of clothes? Shoes/socks? I don’t even know if I’m setting any goals for myself for this race, which will be a first. I’m just curious to see how my body deals with it. Hopefully it paves the way for more 50 milers, 100 milers, and ultimately the Western States 100, a goal I decided on when I signed up for my first half-marathon. At the time, 100 miles seemed utterly incomprehensible, I didn’t even have space in my brain to understand why and how I could push myself to run 100. It’s a bit more in reach now, but I’ve still got a ways to go.

Aside from running, I’ve decided on my next adventure!!! Well, for the summer anyway. I just bought tickets to Europe, leaving in two weeks. I will work with a friend on a promotional tour throughout Germany – a catering company hired him to do the photography, and I’ll assist on that and get to see a ton of different places in Germany! And at the end of the summer, I’ll be working at a summer camp in Italy, singing, dancing, and playing with the bambini, helping them learn English. Sounds like a fun summer to me : ) I’ve also started working on writing a book, I’ve been holing up in Starbuck’s every day and piecing all the bits together and working on narration etc. So far so good, I like the routine – run all morning, write all day. If anything it certainly helps me reflect and process this journey and all that it means to me.

Now that I’ve got this race to think about, the book to work on, and this next adventure to look forward to, I’m feeling a bit more peace of mind. It does feel a bit sudden that I’m heading out the door again, but an opportunity like this is hard to turn down, and I’m following my heart and my instinct, and they are telling me it’s the right choice. Just hoping my family doesn’t kill me, I did promise my Mom a year of rest from worrying…

Perfect Saturday: sunshine, bike ride, blueberry pancakes, trail run, family

Yesterday was a pretty perfect day. After a very interesting night out with my family on Friday night, Saturday was full of all of the things that make life wonderful. First of all, I slept in until 10:30, when low and behold, through my skylight shined a ray from the long-wished-for golden orb that used to grace my path every day. The sun was shining! After ten days of rain and cloud-cover, that in itself was cause for celebration – I ran downstairs and out onto the porch, where I heard shouts of joys coming from my neighbors a few yards over. That is a good way to start the day : )

I hopped on my bike and headed downtown to meet my Uncle Mike for a breakfast of blueberry pancakes at Becky’s Diner. As soon as I got my feet settled into the pedals and my butt settled onto the seat, I remembered how fantastically wonderful riding a bike is. I mean, I love running, maybe even to an unhealthy extent, but the feeling of a bike ride can be much different. It’s just so happy. When I’m in a bad mood or stressed and I go running, it’s all about getting that anger out, running hard and fast until I don’t feel like screaming or going crazy anymore. But with biking, I could be having a bad day, and then put me on a bike, and it’s like pfff….bad mood dissolves into smiles and little-kid-joy. Besides my friends and family, it was my bike-rides that I missed the most while I was away running across the country.

And aside from the pure joy, there’s also this other side of me that kicks into gear when I’m on a road bike. It’s the need for speed. Put me on a street cruiser with big ole tires and a comfy seat, and I’ll dawdle around the neighborhood enjoying the view for an hour, but put me on my Trek road bike and it’s like a speed switch goes off in my head. There’s just not much else that compares to pushing your legs to pedal faster, and faster, and faster still. To fly down the street for no reason at all – no rush, no races, no one chasing you. Just feels good. When I’m running I go through phases, or have different workouts, or varying types of training runs. And the LSD – long slow distance – runs are usually my favorites – I enjoy being out on my own running, and lots of times I don’t want that special hour or two of the day to end, so I don’t rush it. I can get competitive with myself, but it’s usually for mileage rather than speed. But when I get on my bike I feel like I only have one speed, and anyone I see on the road, I want to catch up to, smirk at, and leave in the dust. I don’t know, it’s the competitive side of me coming out full force.

So after breakfast, I rode back home and played leap-frog with a couple of cyclists for a good 6 miles. It was great and awkward and interesting. I stuck with them a bit past my house just for giggles, and was tempted to continue with them to see where they were headed. Instead I turned back home and laced up my running sneaks. My parents and some friends had all mentioned to me that I should check out these trails nearby (behind the Hannaford in Falmouth) so I made my way down there and proceeded to have one of the best runs I’ve ever had in Maine. When I’m in Richmond, mostly all I run is trails, but for whatever reason, it’s always road-running that I do in Portland. But I far prefer the trails, I just hadn’t found any good long stretches of trail here. Or I had been too lazy to seek them out, because I found out yesterday that just two miles from my house is a hidden wonderland full of twisty-turny mountain bike trails along the river and through the woods. It is a slice of heaven. And I only saw one other person out there, so talk about feeling like you’re really getting away from it all. So glad I finally went and checked it out. When I got home I was nicely slathered and spattered with mud, so much so that my Mom made me hose off before getting in the shower. 2,800 miles of pounding the pavement across America, and I couldn’t have asked for a better reunion with running the trails.

Now, this was already a pretty great day, but the night made it perfect. My family and I headed to my Aunt’s house for an impromptu party of homemade wings and my new favorite food – gumbo!!!! They had read on my blog how much I had enjoyed my first taste of Gumbo in Strong, AR, so my Uncle Buggy cooked up two big pots of it. Mmh mmh mmh. My Uncle Mike (who’s been a huge inspiration to my running) was in town from Denver, and it was just such a nice relaxing night; good food, good drink, good company. A perfect Saturday : )

What did I learn from all this?

One of my favorite questions that people ask me a lot now that I’ve finished is what I’ve learned from this trip. What have I learned about myself, about the American people, about running. I love it when people ask this because it’s one of those questions that, every time I think about it, and go back through my memories of the past four months, the answer still surprises me. Every time I think about it, I realize something else that I’ve learned, that I had overlooked the last ten times I had answered the question. The answer itself is always evolving, and it helps me capture the essence of this journey. Because, I think, at the end, this run was not about running. It was a deeply personal and even spiritual adventure, about meeting new people, and learning more about myself, the world, and my place in it.

When I look back at the Zoe that started her run from the Pier on January 8th, and the Zoe that jumped into the Atlantic Ocean last week, I am astounded at how different the two versions of me seem. It’s like when I look back on the things I did in high school and I am embarrassed to own them as my own actions. Just like how the college graduate seems wildly more mature than the awkward 16 year-old, the Zoe that finished this run seems leaps and bounds ahead of the one that started it. In four short months, I feel as if I have aged ten years.

So, what have I learned from all this?

10. Maps lie. They are not always right, up-to-date, and on occasion will route 18 miles of railroad and call it a street, or send you ten miles down a dead-end road only for you to find out that the street noted on the map no longer exists.

9. Where there is a will, there is a way. There is always a way. When you are ten miles off-course on a dead-end road, do not let your confidence crumble…there is a way out of it. When you are headed to a new town and have no idea where you’ll sleep, a place will turn up. Where there’s a road with no shoulder cutting through the canyons and the police tell you you cannot run there with your stroller, there is a way around it.

8. There is NOTHING like reaching the summit of a mountain after running straight up for 19 miles in cheek-chafing winds and hail. Nothing.

7. Looking back on all the ground you’ve covered may be more important than looking at what’s in front of you. My favorite part of the desert was the fact that every afternoon around 4:30, I could turn around, look behind me, and for miles and miles I could see all the ground that I had covered in that day alone. No matter how hard or punishing or wonderful or easy or tedious that day’s run was, literally looking out at all the miles that I had crossed never failed to amaze me. I actually ran all that?!?!

6. There is OK pain and there is STOP NOW and don’t be an IDIOT pain. If you pay attention to your body you get to know the difference. Normal everyday pains, or occasional flare-ups are usually okay to run through. If a sudden injury or spike knocks the wind out of you with its pain, stop for a minute. If it’s a question of taking an extra rest day and getting behind “schedule”, and not finishing because you tried to push through it, take the rest day!

5. Wear sunscreen.

4. Always be nice. Be kind, smile, open your mind to new ideas and lifestyles. People will reflect your attitude; their smiles will reflect your smile, and their frowns, your frown.

3. Be happy every day that you are able to run. When you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, shuffle along. Be happy with whatever you are capable of doing that day.

2. America is a far-kinder land than we give it credit for. People have this idea that America is full of hostile, self-righteous people, horrific tragedies, bigoted opinions, and corrupt power systems. In some quantity I am sure all those things exist, but certainly not in the volume that our TV tells us. In 119 days, 80+ hosts, 20+ donated hotel rooms, 25 Club visits, I did not have ONE negative experience. Every single one of them was positive. And I promise I am not sugar-coating it. Lots of hosts would ask me – “So, was there ever a time when you were staying with someone and you just thought, ‘Oh my God, get me outta here?!!’” The answer is no. Honestly. I will never forget the people I met nor the quality of visits I had with each and every one of them. What it comes down to, I believe, is fear. I think in many instances, our fear is encouraged, and our open trust and love are discouraged. Somehow, somewhere along the way we are taught that a stranger and his strange ways deserve our fear rather than our love. But it’s not like that. I am fortunate enough to have had this opportunity, to have been received with compassion and kindness town after town, and to come away understanding how good people are and how valuable a smile and a few kind words can be.

1. I can do anything I want. I’ve always believed this and now I’m sure of it. After so much focus, commitment, and perseverance, I truly feel like I can chase down any dream I have, I just have to take the first steps. And I honestly believe this is true for EACH and EVERY PERSON – there’s nothing special about me, I was not born with extra lung capacity, more hours in my day, or an extra motivation gene. I’m just an ordinary person, who managed to do something extraordinary. And I hope that if there is any one thing that the kids at the Boys & Girls Clubs, or my friends and family, or anyone who has come across this blog takes away from all of this, it’s exactly that: YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. Just get out there and make it happen.

I come back to a quote that I first posted here last summer, way back when I first started this blog. If this quote were true for me before I even began this journey; then now, at the end of it all, it’s more than just true, it’s become a philosophy:

“Running gave me discipline and self-expression…It has all the disappointments, frustrations, lack of success and unexpected success, which all reproduce themselves in the bigger play of life. It teaches you the ability to present under pressure. It teaches you the importance of being enthusiastic, dedicated, focused. All of these are trite statements, but if you actually have to go through these things as a young man, it’s very, very important.”
-John Landy

Joy.

Well, I did it. Still doesn’t seem real. Honestly, when I first got back to my house, it felt like it could’ve all been a dream. Maybe it was the exhaustion setting in – I had run 30+ mile days for 15 days straight before my finish, and had gotten half as much sleep as usual because I was so excited and full of adrenaline every night.

But I don’t know…it still feels a bit unreal. Like a long dream I just woke up out of, back in my own bed, next to my alarm set for a 7 o’clock training run. I’m trying to get away from that, because I don’t want it to feel like a dream. So I start to allow myself to get lost in the thoughts and reflections of this journey. And each time I realize how many parts and pieces there are to the puzzle. All the people I met, the landscapes, lifestyles, physical challenges and accomplishments, things I’ve learned, thought, or felt. Things I’ve already written here, and things I don’t know how to write.

And when I think about it all, I get the feeling that I’m reminiscing about a really great movie or something. And that’s when I realize that I have to write a book about all this. Not just that I want to write it, but that I NEED to write it. There are too many characters to this story, too many sights, sounds, conflicts and resolutions, developments and climaxes in this story to possibly record them all in one final summarizing blog post. Impossible.

What makes it more impossible is that things continue to happen each day, as if this run has a momentum of its own and it’s carrying itself through beyond the finish line. Since I’ve been home, I’ve had interviews with the Huffington Post, news channels 13 and 6 here in Portland, signed up for my first ultra (50 miles! May 28th in Maine). Discussed potential bike/running tour across Europe, as well as a relay across the USA with fellow transcontinental runners. I found out yesterday that, according to John Wallace III (www.seejohnrun.com) and his well-researched website compiling all transcon USA treks on foot, I am the first female ever to do it unsupported! Nice! Others could turn up, but for now I’ll celebrate : )

My point is, I wanted to write a book and now I’ve come to find out that I must. I want to keep writing this blog and I will, and hopefully it will soon be outlining another adventure. However, there is still a lot to be said about this run and it deserves to be recorded. There are many thoughts and emotions and I want to give proper space to all of them, so I’m going to post a 4 part blog post over the course of the next week – kind of like a book preview : ) And, I would like to get my Mom and Dad to guest-write a post for me, giving the parents’ perspective on a journey like this — I think their work was harder than mine!

So for tonight, I’m going to summarize why I did all this running and how I feel about it — both in this 4-day-old-retrospect, and how I felt everyday as it was happening. I’m borrowing a quote here, sent to me by a good friend, because I think my own words don’t do the run as much justice as these borrowed ones. They hit a chord with me, and I think with a lot of runners, because we tend to have this sort of post-race depression after a big event, where the adrenaline rush is all over and we go back to square one and if we let ourselves get too carried away, we might start wondering why we did all this in the first place. Why go through all of it, just to be left with the flatness of ‘re-entry’ into normal life afterwards? And even though I see this quote through runner’s eyeglasses, I think it can apply to many instances in life. Instances in which you feel so consumed and fulfilled that when you come tumbling out of them, the slap of “ordinary” existence is almost caustic. The words in this quote hit me so hard that I don’t think I’ll be allowing myself to fall down the post-race-depression rabbit hole. On the contrary, they are a celebration of what this journey gave to me:

“Now, it’s what’s left that I’m really interested in. After you dematerialize, after your ego is gone, it’s very difficult to talk about, but we do have reports. And the reports – shucks, I’m giving you a personal account now – in my experience, there is totality, a sense of all-ness, it’s sort of kaleidoscope. Goings on. But remember not you witnessing it because you’re gone. But it’s happening. It’s oceanic, and one other thing. It’s bliss. It is joy. And that’s all there is. I told you I shouldn’t have tried it. But it gives you the essence of the answer to the question, why anything rather than nothing. Why bother? Why put up with cost benefit analyses? And the answer – the only answer – the final answer – is joy, to which there is no value attached because it IS value. It’s incommensurable.” (Willi Unsoeld)

Read it twice. It gets better each time.